Some things are meant to be and for the past two weeks I have felt like Moses standing before the Red Sea and it is parting. Only in my version I am a college grad and I am parting my career path. You see, since I got off the trail my weathervane has been continuously spinning, refusing to point in one direction.

One morning, two weeks ago, I woke up and I began to plan my day, make breakfast, go for a hike with Molly, organize room. Then I thought, no, I need to look for jobs. I flipped open my lap top and searched career builder, then I found it. It was the right place, location and I had the desirable experience. Not only would I apply my degree, I was the desireable candidate due to my degree, skills and experience. I sat in bed all morning tweeking my resume, developing a coverletter and filling out the application. My dad came in at 1:30pm and asked if I was going to ever going to go downstars.

The next day, I met with my sister A.K.A my career services guru. We spent the morning tweeking polishing everything up before sending it off on day 3 that it was posted.

My parents are moving and whether or not I go with them is dependent on jobs. So I started to go through the motions of moving. So on Friday right after I broke down my bed and packed up my room I recieved a call asking if I could come in on Monday for an interview. Hold the mattress, I may be staying in town.

Natalie: "Now you're going to have to actually wash your hair, as in, use shampoo and conditioner."
Natalie gave me the pep talk, drilled me with potential interview questions, invited me to stay on her couch, made me breakfast, did my hair and makeup and let me borrow a suit. Seriously, I don't know how I would have pulled this off without her. My sister was telling her boss about me, saying that I was planning on wearing a pair of dress pants and a nice shirt to the interview until my sister snapped me back to reality and said that I needed to wear a suit and that she had one for me. "Is your sister kindove a hippi," she asked.

As it turns out, the suit Natalie, let me borrow was the suit she got from a clothes swap which used to be her friends who wore the very suit to her interview at the same institution and she got the job! On top of this Natalie had the day off on Monday, so on top of all the other great things Natalie did for me that morining, she also drove me to the interview and provided moral support when I got out.

Spider 8

Today I drove up to our new town and met my parents at the Declan's for dinner. Kate had us choose Native American Medicine Cards. Mine was the spider. Apparently the alphabet was inspired by the spider web with its geometric shapes. No longer would children have to remember symbols they would now have a written language. Secondly, the web points in the four directions of the medicine wheel and determines the fate of others. Apparently, if the spider appears in my life it is a symbol to, "create, create, create!" It is also a warning that I may be getting too tangled in a situation. It is also to remind me to reflect on what I have woven and see the fruits of my labor instead of continuing to spin out a plan for life. "Congratulations," it exclaims, "for the spider has saved you from being blind to the possibilities you have createdalready." Or something like that. I am paraphrasing, as I cannot remember word for word what was written. It also mentioned that the spider helps people to look beyond the horizon of the physical world and that its web collects morning dew. It also reminds me that whatever the situation is I can make it good or bad. I have the ability to change the circumstances. It suggests that I keep a journal and note my creative progress.

Now how this spiritual reading hits home. The alphabet, right away reminded me of teaching and the fact that I am getting TEFL certified, the children need to know more. Secondly, the web points in all four directions of the medicine wheel, and I want to practice alternative medicine. The message of the spider is to create, and I have been itching to create: art, pottery, moccasins, a garden, a spiritual center. I need to figure out what situation I am getting too tangled up in, maybe that of wanting to find an apartment, or get a normal job, after all I am a nature freak and unconventional. My mentality has completely flip-flopped since I got off the trail. On the trail, barefoot and spirited, I had the idea that an opportunity would surface and give me direction in life. I had no direction planned, post-graduation, so I chose South on the AT. When I had to get off due to injury I was snapped back and almost overtaken by the conventional world. But I was/ still am fighting it. I dappled in spirituality and clearing out your chakras, alternative medicine and teaching. I was then fixated on this idea that I could find an apartment and a job in health care and be on my own. I don't know what I think now...which has been the case for the past 2 months.

The reading reminds me to stop spinning and look at what I have accomplished and use it. I need to figure out what that is. Let's look at my situation at this point: I am graduated magna cum laude with a bio degree, we are moving to NH, this prospect has been daunting but the ironic thing is, this place suits me perfectly, with its clean air, mountain views and back to basics mindset. My parents have offered me a place to live (free-of-charge), my dad also offered to buy me a car, and pay off my college debt. I have pushed all of this away with my stubbornness. Here is the perfect place to grow. I need to embrace it and put my weaving to rest for the moment.

Everything I want to accomplish, can be done here. The reading tells me that I change change the fate of any situation, and I need to see the move as good. This idea that I help people to see beyond the horizon of the physical world, relates to the fact that I have gained a new appreciation for spirituality. I love the morning and the web collects morning dew.

"The eight ball...isn't it lucky?" I saw a spider, the same spider yesterday and today, I rescued and released both of them. Could be coincidence...but I think not.

Career Services

So today I begin my job search...oh joy. I have been dreading the searching for jobs, the writing of the cover letter, the tweaking of the resume, the nibbling away at my fingertips while I wait for the return email or call for the interview and most of all I dread the choice I need to make. So instead I have been off in a fantasy land thinking that I can prolong the job search by "exploring my options," and you may be scoffing at the little blonde girl that is complaining about making a choice, because maybe you didn't have a choice, but sometimes it's easier on the mind when you don't have a choice. I on the other hand have explored everything from the service to teaching with medical school, the peace core and TEFL in between. I have been putting off responsibility with indecision and, hey, yet another idea. My friends and family say, "so what does Jill want to do at this hour?"Well now it's time to buckle down and get serious.

I visited career services at my almamater, and Erin, gave me a few exercises to work on. They are as follows:

1st Think about my top 3 careers
2nd Go for informational interviews with someone from each of these careers
3rd- Shadow, volunteer, or get an internship at one of these places
4th-Think about what my ideal day would be
5th- Where do I see myself in 5 years?

If all else fails, pursue teaching. It would allow me to pay off debt, save some money, and buy me the time needed to make a decision.

Ok so let's think about my top three careers.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I think it might help if I first think about the things I love:
* Rock climbing
* Swimming
* Writing
* Creating anything art
* Human Anatomy & Physiology
* Sex and the City (hehe)
* Running through the woods on a rainy day, barefoot
* Learning
* The Native American Culture
* Getting Back to Basics
* Exercising
* Being Productive
* Eating healthy, fresh food

Things I want to have:
* VW bus converted to run off of veggie oil
* A pair of moccasins that I have made
* Moped
* Motorcycle
* Cell Phone
* Lap Top
* A Garden
* Hunting/gathering/fishing skills
* Alternative Medicine Know-how
* A husky

Now for the ideal day:

Wake up with the sun, go for a run through the woods with my husky, go for a swim in the river, pick vegetables from my garden gather some eggs from my chickens, collect some raw milk from my goats and take some venison from the freezer. Cook up a hardy breakfast. Eat it outside on the stone step. Meditate. Go into my artist loft and sculpt or do some pottery or draw. Sew together a pair of boots or a satchel from the deer hide that I tanned. When I am finished I put it in my shop. Pack up the VW bus with husky and climbing gear, head to the mountain for some sport routes and overnight camping. Come home visit the Stevenson's because their son is experiencing back pain, and write. Read a book by the fire and candlelight. Go to sleep.

Top 3 Careers:

*Writer
*Artist
*Holistic Healer

Where do I see myself in 5 years?
Studying alternative medicine: Herbs, chiropractic, native american and Chinese medicine, ancient medicine, finding my spiritual center. Establishing my own practice. Eventually having a wellness center. Art is not something I need to go to school for, it is a gift, and I act on inspiration.

I want to go to the arctic circle, live among the inuits for a while, spend some time with some pure-bred Native Americans, learn how to get back to basics in both health and lifestyle.

These Are My Goals

The following is a list of goals: convert a VW bus to run off of vegetable oil, go on a cross-country trip around the US, learn how to crochet, knit, spin wool and tan hide, make my own pair of moccasins out of deer hide, keep a vegetable/fruit garden, teach, own a moped, Learn how to hunt, forage, fish, can and dehydrate, connect with my spiritual centers, meditate, draw and sculpt, built an off-the-grid "green" dwelling, climb, learn how to survive, study alternative medicine, write, Read more books than movies I have seen, learn how to live cheep, travel, spend some time with the Native Americans, scuba dive, exercise more, stretch, visit an Ashram in India, teach English in a foreign country, join the Peace Corps, go to Nepal, Costa Rica,Ecuador, New Zealand, Peru, Cambodia, Africa and Thailand, Live among an Inuit tribe in the Arctic Circle, go to Alaska, and be happy.

9 Ways to Prevent Wrinkles

http://www.webmd.com/healthy-beauty/slideshow-reducing-wrinkles

1. Sleep on your back
2. Eat Salmon
3. Don't squint
4. Alpha-hydroxy Acids
5. Trade Coffee for Cocoa
6. Don't over-wash your face
7. Vitamin C
8. Soy
9. Avoid sun

Top Ten Foods for Hair

The top ten foods for healthy hair according to the website, http://www.webmd.com/healthy-beauty/features/top-10-foods-for-healthy-hair:

1. Salmon- omega 3, Vitamin B-12 and Iron- necessary for scalp health (Flaxseed oil- plant-based omega-3 fats)
2. Dark Green Vegetables- provide vitamins A and C ((the body needs these to produce sebum-the body's natural conditioner) as well as minerals iron and calcium)
3. Beans- kidney beans and lentils- protein, iron, zinc and biotin, that promotes hair growth
4. Nuts-
    -Brazil nuts rich with selenium- for the health of the scalp
    -Walnuts- alpha-linolenic acid- conditions your hair
    -almonds, pecans and cashews- zinc, prevent hair loss
5. Poultry- protein needed to strengthen the hair and maintain color
6. Eggs- protein, biotin and vitamin B-12
7. Whole Grains- zinc, iron and B-vitamins
8. Oysters-zinc (beef and lamb)
9. Low Fat Dairy Products- skim milk and yogurt- calcium, whey and casein
10. Carrots- vitamin A- healthy scalp, shiny hair

MCATs or MTELs

I am going crazy so I can imagine that both my Professors and family are going crazy as well. "I don't think I want to go to medical school," I said for the third time in two weeks. "What is it that you want to do this hour, Jill?" my dad asked with raised brows and a shake of his head.

The question of what do I want to do has been answered numerous times in the past 21 days. In the past 21 days this was my thought process: I'll go back to school for chiropractic, grad school is expensive, I'll join the Navy, I'd be an officer, the Navy won't pay for chiropractic, aha! osteopathy is its cousin, the Navy will pay for this, hmm 4 years of grad, 3 years of residency, and they X amount of years of service, I'll have to take the MCATS, maybe I want to teach, "you make nothing," "in this economy you'll want some more security," say my audience. I get a monthly stipend, tuition coverage, and a job secured plus I'll be able to travel and see the world. But I want to rock climb, write, make my own pair of moccasins, have a garden, meditate and drive a VW bus. I fit the teacher profile. I would be poor but free to travel during the summer. I could be passing up a good opportunity. If I study osteopathic medicine I could practice the more holistic approaches, "nobody practiced the manipulative techniques while I was serving," if you do go this route...don't tell them you're interested in holistic medicine," says the audience. So over a decade of me not being able to practice the way I want...for what free education, status, job security? Medicine Mel offered to give me a gift certificate to take the Kaplan course for free. But what about my happiness?  Teaching. I used to love conducting the study group, developing the lesson plans, figuring out the best strategy to get the students to grasp the concepts. I could do that all day. I felt great every time the group met and I help someone to learn. Teach, that's what I'll do.

I got a sore throat from withholding this from my parents over the weekend for fear of their disappointment. But I had the munchies the morning after they got back so I went down and shared the news. Surprisingly they were proud and happy that I was happy with my decision.

So now it's the MTELs on September 24th, even if I fail I'll get feedback, so that I can work on the parts that need working on and I can take them again. This will allow me to teach in a public school setting. But it's the waiting process which is getting me down. I don't have an income, my parents are moving and invited me to go with them and, oh, my car was just sold, so I haven't a job, wheels, or home. I don't think I have ever been so bombarded with choices. From this I am experiencing IBS.

There is an easy choice, moving to NH with my parents (which would mean no overhead), working for my dad (which would mean not having to find a job and making good money), and studying for the MTELS. If I pass the MTELS then I would be able to look for a job in a public school setting, and teachers of the sciences are in high demand...good thing! But I am antsy and I hate not making money.

Then I met some friends of my parents: Sarah, Patrick and Diana, all within three hours of each other. Patrick teaches English in Chili, Sarah used to teach English in Japan and Diana taught English in Nepal while serving the PeaceCorps.

I think it is a sign. All three taught English overseas, although, through very different ports. Now I have the romantic idea of the PeaceCorp in my mind. Well it has resurfaced because I have always wanted to join. The book I am reading, "Energy Anatomy," by Caroline Myss, offers that relationships are spiritual messengers that help you to become more conscious of yourself and your path in life.  I was filling out the application today but stopped when it asked about credit and loads: are they paid off, or will they be by the time you serve? Oh boy....ok slow down Jill, your mind is spinning like a top and about to collapse, I need to remind myself. So during this hour, I have decided that I need to relax and focus on studying for the MTELS. September 24th is not that far away and I know that my parents will support me for the next month.

I don't want to be dependent on them but i need to remind myslef that I am taking steps to become independent and a month of dependence is going to result in the rest of my independent life. So i need to swallow my pride, wipe the raised brow off my face, and breathe. My assignment for the next month is going to be studying for the MTELS. I'm not going to worry about finding a job, a car or planning the rest of my life because I need to be in the now. But I think it would be smart to put my name in for substituting...that'll do.

I hope no one ever has to read this because I just ranted and I normally reread what I write but this looks daunting. you know it's bad when you don't even want to read it!